New Geek on the Block
Technology, Sci-Fi, Gadgets, & Geekery.

My Own Flavour of Hell

Inspired by both Geek Monthly’s column about their own version of Hell, and my dear friend Emily’s version of Hell I have decided to compile a description of my own personal Hell.

First thing’s first: It is Very Hot (I know this sounds stereotypical, but they don’t call it burning in Hell for fun, it’s really fucking hot there). But not only is it hot, it’s also uncomfortably humid, we’re talking humid like a bread proofer.

Hell has a strict dress code which consists of itchy black wool pants, an extra tight white turtle neck (which Satan demands be kept stain free) and bare feet (keep in mind the ground is made of either lava or very hot asphalt).

Food in Hell is provided by Aramark… nuff said.

The bathrooms in Hell are all recreations of Kilroy’s on a Friday night, maybe just a tad cleaner.

The entertainment in Hell is pitiful. Everyone has a Virtual Boy, but they are constantly having seizures because of it. The only other videogame that exists is Top Gun for NES but you have to play it with the power glove.
The only movie that exists is a VHS copy of Little Women that is stuck on repeat on a small CRT television that emits a high pitch squeal.

Don’t even get me started about the music in Hell, lets just say it involves a dozen monkeys and out of tune violins.

All computer in Hell run on Windows ME and the only phones that exist are Windows Mobile Phones with Rogers voice and data plans.

I’m sure there are more details of Hell that I have yet to discover, but eternity long so I’ll have plenty of time to discover them all.

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3 Responses to “My Own Flavour of Hell”

  1. So I apologize for making you watch the Little Women day. It has been made into many films, starring many strong femailes and so what if you were little and sick at the time — it was my favourite book as a child!!! and I AM YOUR MOTHER!!

  2. I LOVE LITTLE WOMEN! But not Mobile Me.

  3. Mobile Me or Windows Me?


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